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Eğlence 24.11.2005 - netyorum.com / Sayı: 164
"İş Etiği"
Bir baba iş hayatına girecek oğluna uyması gereken etik kuralları
açıklıyordu. Oğlum "Bir müşteri dükkana geliyor ve 100 YTL lik mal alıyor.
Hediye paketi yapıyorsun ve müşteriye teslim ediyorsun. Müşteride sana 100 YTL
veriyor. Müşteri dükkandan ayrıldıktan sonra yanlışlıkla 2 tane 100 YTL
verdiğini farkediyorsun. Etik kurallar burada devreye girer. Bunu ortaklarına
söyleyecek misin, söylemeyecek misin?
Henny Youngman
"Ehliyet Sınavı"
Ehliyet sınavını kaybettim. Hoca kırmızı ışıkta ne yaparsın diye sordu. Bende
etrafa bakar radyoda yeni kanal ayarlarım dedim.
Bill Braudis
"Niçin"
İçki ve sigara kullanmayan insanlara üzülüyorum. Çünkü bir gün hastaneye
düşecekler ve neden düştüklerini bilmeyecekler.
Redd Foxx
"İkna Yöntemi"
70 yaşında zengin, dul adam şehir kulubüne yanında 25 yaşında çok güzel
sarışın bir kızla girer. Kız o kadar güzeldir ki herkesin bakışları üstlerine
döner. Arkadaşları kıskançlıkla adamı köşeye çekerler ve soru sormaya başlarlar.
- Bu dünya güzeli kız arkadaşını nereden buldun?
Adam yanıtlar: "Kız arkadaş mı? O benim yeni karım."
Arkadaşları daha da şaşırırlar ve "Seninle evlenmeye nasıl ikna ettin?"
- Yaşım hakkında yalan söyledim.
Bunu üzerine yeni soru gelir. "Ne demek istiyorsun,50 yaşında olduğunu mu
söyledin?"
Adam gülerek "Hayır 90 yaşında olduğumu söyledim."
"İsim Değişikliği"
Turizm Acentasında çalışan kız başından sonuna gezisi çok kötü geçen bir
müşteriye özür mektubu yazacaktır. Müdürü geçen sene buna benzer bir sorun
yaşayan müşteriye yazdıkları mektubu bulup değişiklik yapmasını önerir.
- Tek yapacağın detayları değiştirmek. Tarihi ve isimleri yenile.
Kız eski mektubu alır ve gülümseyerek "İşimiz çok kolay isimleri bile
yenilememiz gerekmiyor"
"FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT IN ENGLISH... "
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became
oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of
moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be
called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot,
would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why
shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would
never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother
and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she,
shis and shim.
Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example ... If you have a rough
cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham
in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing
rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a
slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
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